iMPACT! review

There are approximately 100 billion cells inside your brain. You can live normally with just half of that. But it only takes about one thousand cells to come up with a shitty idea that might make it onto television.

This has been a small public service announcement on the insight into the creative process.

Also, by the time this has been posted I’ll have watched Against All Odds or be just hours from it, and that quite honestly fucking sucks. That ain’t helping either. Now then… on with the goofy crap known some of the world over as TNA iMPACT! Lets… get this shit over with.

This week on iMPACT!, some random shit of wildly varying quality happened…

Robert Roode and Ms. Banks are in the back with Borash (still neck brace variant) and Roode mocks Booker before getting serious. He says he apologized to Sharmell or something and tells us Booker secretly thanks him and ol’ boy will find out why it pays to be Roode. Basically the prick named Bob at his prick named Bobby-est. He’s actually starting to not be so annoying and even mildly entertaining. Good for him.

BG James’ promo was awesome. Curry Man + “Stone Cold” Shark Boy = Happiness. AJ and Tiger Mask had a pretty good match.

Match of the night: Christian Cage vs. Judas Mesias w/ James Mitchell

Mesias overpowers Cage and knocks him around. Cage makes a brief comeback but gets clotheslined back down and punished some more. Mesias charges but gets sent to the outside. Multiple attempted suplexes on the apron by Mesias to no avail. Seesaw kick by Cage. Cage gets some shots in outside and throws Mesias back in. Cage goes up but lands on his feet when Mesias moves out of the way. Cage gets press slammed to the floor and we out for break.

Hard shots outside by Mesias. Cage trades punches with Mesias but gets powerslammed and choked and the worked over in the ropes. Mesias tosses Cage around like a ragdoll and slams him down. Dropkick from the second rope by Cage. Second rope back elbow by Cage. Inverted DDT. Cage is distracted by Mitchell for a moment on his way to the top rope leaps into a cutter by Mesias. Abyss chases Mitchell off and Cage makes Mesias even Unprettier (see what I did there?) and wins clean. The hell?

Winner: Christian Cage

Abyss chases Mesias to the back.

AJ is down and attacks from behind and beats Cage senseless. He arrogantly sets up the Styles Clash and Christian turns it into a Texas Cloverleaf. Angle is out and the Cage beaten senseless some more. Tomko to the rescue. Heels run away.

The last sell for Against All Odds and that is ballgame. Time for Pros vs. Joes.

“Stone Cold” Shark Boy?

 OK, so when your gimmick is that your half man half shark i guess your character is pretty unique to start with, to say the least. I kinda liked the Shark Boy character, it was fun and entertaining. However Shark Boy isn’t that fun loving, cartoon like character anymore. Instead he resembles a famous beer drinking, ass whooping, Texas rattlesnake better known as “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.

    Id read previously that the Shark boy character was getting revamped and this made me curious. I mean how can you add depth to a character that portrays himself as being half shark? Well when watching iMPACT about a week ago i couldn’t believe my eyes when i saw Shark Boy wake from his coma and utter the words “The next time you stick that thermometer up my ass, there’s gonna be hell to pay you son of bitch! And that’s the bottom line, coz Shark boy said so!” So what does this mean for Shark Boy? A push maybe? It seemed to work for Jay Lethal, seemed to work pretty well actually seeing as he was the X division champion. However i cant see this one working. Jay lethal didn’t really have a gimmick to start with and i think he pulls off the Macho Man Style quite well. Shark Boy on the other hand is a gimmick, and a strange on at that. Now not only does he have his Shark Boy gimmick but hes got the “Stone Cold” thing going on as well. Its a very odd combination and something i feel will be entertaining for a while, and then get tedious.

I believe TNA shouldn’t have to use other peoples persona’s to elevate their talent. Jay Lethal i didn’t mind to be honest, it was a one off and i mean it wouldn’t exactly be the first time its happened, but now with this I’m hoping a pattern isn’t occurring. I mean whats next? “Do you smell what the Guru is cooking?” or “Whatcha gonna do brother!? When Peteymania runs wild on you!”

Only time will tell on this one, and like i said I’m hoping this isn’t going to a template for the entire X division. These guys don’t need silly gimmicks to show how good they are. They prove it week in week out with their talent alone. Never know this phase might die out, or are we in for a one hell of a gimmick overdose. I for one, hope not.

Rick